Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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