I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
