pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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