You just made me feel so damn special
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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