we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
