Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
