my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
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When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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