is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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