my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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