I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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