next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
