i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I will pee on everything he values.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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