Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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