the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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