Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
