I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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