oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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