Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
