Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
