Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
