Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
