I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
