I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
