Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
