tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
