i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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