elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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