I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
