We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
