i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
