oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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