And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
