My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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