Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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