just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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