Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
