Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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