I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
