I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
