Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize