If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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