Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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