What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
