I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize