Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
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Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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