There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
