It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
