Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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