Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
