Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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