Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
