shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
