i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
