Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
