She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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