Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
