she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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