Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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