We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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