dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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