Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize