So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
birth control should be required to get into college
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
